Nothing But Compassion
by SerenityFalconNormandy
Summary: Written for the Dragon Age Reddit Writing Prompt: "I am what you made me." Fen'lath has second thoughts about making Cole more spirit.


Fen'lath stood on the battlements, inhaling the crisp, biting air of the Frostbacks. She shivered, but ignored the discomfort. Varric still hadn't spoken to her since their 'discussion' after they returned from Redcliffe. He refused to look at her, Solas, or Cole. Fen _knew_ she had made the right choice with Cole.

It still felt like a disaster, though. Fen had never seen Cole so angry. The echoes of 'You killed me!' still rang in her ears, alongside the horrific thoughts of starving to death, locked up and alone in a tower. The Circles could never come back, not if that was what they were like. A hand went to her forehead, trying to ease the pressure throbbing behind one eye.

" _Have you talked to him since? Have you heard what he sounds like?" Dismay was clearly written on Varric's face._

" _He sounds like a spirit."_

Even Cole's reassurances that he was happy, that they weren't 'nonsense words' he was speaking, hadn't stopped Varric's disappointed comment.

" _He could have been a person."_

She was so disappointed in herself, letting her temper get the better of her, chasing him down later and confronting him.

"' _He could have been a person?' What do you think he is now? He is a person to me, whether he's more like his spirit self or not." Fen took deep breaths, trying to keep from yelling at Varric, reminding herself that he was her friend._

" _Cole should have had the chance to learn and grow! Discover new things, Grace!"_

" _Funny, I could have sworn that's what he's been doing regardless."_

" _But now he's a spirit! He can't be bound, but he can be corrupted, and we won't be able to do anything about it! Think of all the shit he can do if he starts going rotten now that he can't be contained! If he were human and started going bad, we could do something." Varric opened his book with a loud thump and hunched over it, dipping his quill and pretending to consider the blank page before him._

" _Varric?"_

" _What, Grace?"_

" _Are we talking about Cole or Anders?" She bit out the words, tone frosty._

 _He jumped, and looked up from the ink-splattered page. "I-What are you talking about? I'm talking about Cole! The kid deserved a chance to be himself!"_

" _He is being himself, he's a Spirit of Compassion. I couldn't risk making a spirit more human. The last time a spirit couldn't handle human emotions it blew up a Chantry."_

" _That is completely different, Grace! Cole wouldn't go that way, I know it! He has me to watch him and help him-"_

 _"I'm not going to let you use Cole as a substitute for whatever you think you should have done with Anders."_

 _Varric slammed the book shut, jabbed the quill into his inkwell, and grabbed it all up. A trail of dripping ink followed him out of the Hall and down the stairs. Fen became painfully conscious of the eyes focusing on her. She took another deep breath, and strode to her quarters, head high._

Finally giving in, Fen pressed both hands to her temples, the throbbing worse. She should go to her quarters and lie down, but there was too much to do. The ball at Halamshiral was coming up too quickly, and Josephine was in an absolute flap over it. The Fade behind Fen thrummed and let out an audible swishing noise. "Hello Cole."

"You know now. I'm glad. No more fear, friend not foe, even if not from the front."

He gave her a smile, watery blue eyes scanning her face from under the brim of his hat. The corners of Cole's mouth drew down into a frown when he noticed her squinting against the bright light. "You're hurting."

"I'm-" He vanished in another swish. Fen blinked. She would have thought she'd be used to that by now, but apparently not.

Fen was still blinking when Cole swished back into being, "Soft hands, soft voice, soothing magic sweeps away the hurts. Solas is coming as soon as he finishes washing the potions off his hands."

"I-thank you, Cole." She fidgeted, then leaned against the battlements again. Taking a deep breath, Fen asked, "Cole, are you really happy? Being a spirit, that is?"

"You made me what I am."

Fen bit her lip at his tone. _He's angry at me for keeping him as a spirit._ "I'm sorry, Cole. I should have made you human after all, if you would have been happier. I'm so sorry. I made a mistake."

She straightened, pressing the heels of her hands to her eyes to stop the prickling burn of unshed tears. "I'm going to my quarters. Tell Solas to meet me there, if you would?"

"No, you don't understand! I am what you made me. Comfort, quiet and keenly felt. Compassion. Me." Bony hands pried hers away from her face, eyes searching hers in earnest to make sure she understood. "So many voices crying out for you to choose for them, then shouting that you made the wrong choice. Small shoulders carry the weight of the world, with no chance to rest. I _am_ happy. I am who I was meant to be. He will understand in time. The hurt is still too close for him to let go. When it is time, I'll help."

Fen let out a laugh, "You always know what to say to help me feel better, Cole."

"That _is_ my job." He smiled, and squeezed her hands. Dropping them, he stepped away. His head tilted to the side again, and he exclaimed, "I found it! She'll be so happy, and it's not a very big rat!"

Reaching the top of the battlements staircase, Solas raised an eyebrow at that as Cole swished into nothing. "Is Cole catching rats for you, _vhenan?_ "

He laughed at the look of horror on her face, and then she dissolved into laughter too.


End file.
